Tear Ducts

So, today I went to one of the most evil institutions in the whole entire of the world, and that place is called the eye doctor. No offence to my friend who is becoming an optometrist. He doesn't know it's evil.

This kid is smiling? SMILING? They're shining a light brighter than a thousand suns right at his retina.

So first off, I have to wait for around a half hour. An entire half hour! I don't have that kind of time! And meanwhile all of the assistants are just chatting doing nothing, and I'm one of four people. I may have patience in most aspects in life, but at this evil place... I don't want to be in there longer than I have to be.

Fact #22: I hate waiting for the incredibly dark forces that are at work to do their job. Just do it already! I have patience for most other things, but not the evil eye doctor...

So FINALLY I get called in and go to the room. Do some more lousy waiting. At least I can fiddle with all the instruments of torture that they will be using on me today.

You have to get permission to get Lasik, and then they permanently make your eyes satanic.

After what seemed like decades someone came in and asked me if I could see these certain letters with an eye covered up.

These are the letters. How am I supposed to say these without the helpful hints below? After Spanish and French I'm going to learn Arabic, not Hebrew. Depending how easily I can learn.

I told her the exact same thing I've been telling these people in this outrageously unprincipled building for years. I can read absolutely every single line with my left eye, and only the first one with my right eye. Even then she decides to test me.

Just as evil as this building from Ghostbusters. Ya know, the one State Cream Puff came and got all marshmellowy?

Yeah, I'm kind of an oddball. I'm right handed, but because of my right eye I shoot guns like a lefty, I bat lefty (meh it's half and half), I shoot bow and arrows lefty...most activities that require eyes. I may not be too good with those, but give me a pistol and I'm a perfect shot if I shoot lefty.

Haha I need to show this to Hunter...

Anyways, in the room after the needless testing where i was proved right, she tells me she has to put in the drops. The drops that turn your eyes all black like a demon. Yeah, those horrid things.

This is their goal. They have not yet perfected the formula...haha I love my imagination...but I really very much dislike the eye doctor...

She tells me the first round are numbing drops and will not hurt at all. She lied. They stung slightly. I wiped away all the tears that came out with a tissue.

If only I saw this eight hours ago...

This might be a good time to tell you I have over-active tear ducts. If I just think about eyes my own start gushing. When I'm on that amusement park ride that uses force to make you stuck to the sides (through spinning), about a gallon of water comes out of my eyes. And other times too that I don't feel like describing.

This is that ride. I'm not sure if I like it or not. Uses centrifugal force to pin you to the side of the ride.

So, then she tells me she has the second round of drops. Again she said they won't hurt since I got the numbing drops. This time she didn't lie. I dry my eyes once again.

So, I get ready to leave this medieval torture room, and she tells me that I still have one more round of these sickening, gut clencing, black eye producing drops to go.

And they expect me to enter willingly? Wow.

Sadly, I still am forced to comply to her demands. Great. She's putting more of those little drops of pure evil into my eyes, the window to the soul. Good thing her plan to make me evil never works.

You can usually tell intent through a persons eyes, so yup :)

Before she does it again, she tells me it won't hurt. Liess. This round hurt like a son of a - well, I don't really know. It just really hurt. For about ten minutes. She must have put some high-grade turn-people-into-evil poison into my eyes.

So I googled 'eye wound' and this was one of the results. $6 to buy this pre-fabricated latex. Prices are getting lower each and every year...of course this one's quality is in the middle but it's still okay :)

Then, I'm escorted out. To await my fate of looking like a demon. More dang waiting! Grrr. I hate it so I blare my music out. But, sadly, they like my music. The devil's minions listen to similar music. Who knew. Ha, how about some Abba! That shut them up.

Hahahaha

Hmmm. Now I'm thinking I should have played some Kenny G, specifically Songbird. That really would have made 'em mad...

Yup. It's a saxophone. Guaranteed annoyance level of 10.

Who knows how much later, I go through the rest of the too tough to describe stuff. It was painful in every possible way. Even afterward, I was sensitive to light because of those dang drops! Lasted for an entire hour! Man. This yearly trip is always the worst.

I would prefer this as my yearly trip. Sadly I've only ever been here twice. But, I did collect an awesome cup each time. I think that might be a tradition haha

Wow, that's so gallivanting.

There's one thing that us people just love to do. And that would be to generalize things. Which is what I'm about to do. Deal with it.

 I did this huge report on Easter Island in 7th grade. I got an A... looking back at my standards now, it totally sucked. Anyways, these guys agree with me.

Okay, so the problem with many people on this planet is that they notice the negatives in themselves while ignoring the negatives in others. They see only the positives on other people. Which could be a good or bad thing I guess.

Thich Nhat Hanh. Whomever that is... well, he is a vietnamese buddhist monk who has published over one hundred books and is internationally known. Hmm.

I'm self-famous for doing so. But me and all those others that oh so commonly do this just need to stop it. Sounds simple, right? Just stop. It's like asking a smoker to just quit. All of a sudden BOOM! The guy is done smoking.

One of the many benefits of quitting this terrible habit of smoking cigarettes. I'm guessing this study is assuming that.

And when we are unable to see those positives in ourselves, well, that's what friends and family are for.

Soo funny..but sometimes bad. That's why Netflix is so great... I can skip the parts I don't like :)

But don't think that's the only thing family should do (of course you don't think that, but I'm using that as a segway to my next topic). They also need to point out the negatives in us. And this is something we hate. We can point out our own negatives, but SOMEBODY ELSE?! GRRRR!

Haha I loved Invader Zim when I was a kid. Too bad they had to cut it short...he's quite mad in this picture. Thinking about it now around five seconds later, I don't think that's Invander Zim. Either way, it was a good show. Nevermind, I just looked it up, that's him in what I called his dog suit.

Even if we didn't know that negative thing about ourselves that is sometimes our response. And we need to treat the people that do that better than we do. These are some of the people we should listen to a little more closely.

That goes for everyone, not just children.

Now, I may be gallivanting around the topic that would pull everything together so that there's an ah-ha moment. Sorry. That's for you to figure out.

Haha, the caption of the picture was, "Gallivanting the tracks in Salta, Argentina" I think that is one of my new favorite words. Gallivanting.

Parachutes and airplanes

I was posed the following question, and the first things I thought of quite surprised me. It's possible that I would have the same answers if the situation were to happen... but I don't think they'd be as 'far out there' as the following ones that came to mind when I was posed the following question...

It was either this reference, or Jumper by Third-Eye-Blind. Needless to say, I chose this one.

What would you think about if you fell out of an airplane without a parachute?

1. Where's iron man when you need him?

Just saying... that would be awesome. To have an Iron Man suit, not to fall out of a plane without a parachute.

2. How about Spiderman? No Superman is much better.

3. The movie Dakota Skye: "On the way down, which way would you rather be facing? Would your ather be looking up at the sky having no clue when the end is gonna hit? Or would you rather face first be aware of the moment when everything cuts to black knowing that this second would be your last. Or would you rather be faced up, legs kicked back, and enjoy the ride down?"

4. Wouldn't it have been safer to stay in the plane?

Maybe not...

5. The movie Rugrats in Paris: "It's a bird, it's a plane...it's Angelica!"

6. My friends and family.

7. In heaven will there be Jamba Juice? Would I be able to fly up there? Wait, I can pretend I can right now...

Squeeeeeeze

8. What will my body look like after it lands? Would cologne stop the smell coming from my body if I put on enough? How long does it take a dead body to smell?

9. Haha, that farm looks funny.

10. If I were to hit the top of a pointy building, like a spire or something, how far down on the spire would my body go?

I'd say halfway down the spire and then my body would split into multiple parts. It would be much cooler if my body stayed on the spire however...

11. I finally know what it's like to be inside of a cloud and not be in an airplane. And what if I somehow survived by landing on a warehouse full of pillows shaped like clouds?

12. I'm an idiot.

Now you tell me I have to have a parachute?

13. No I'm not, the plane was crashing anyway... might as well have fun with it.

14. Well you could have jumped off closer to the ground...

15. Yes, I'm right. I am an idiot.

16. Is this a dream? Ow! Nope, that would be a no.

Will the top fall down?

17. What are people going to remember me by? As 'the guy that jumped out of a crashing airplane and was the only one to die as the plane didn't actually crash?"

18. What if I came back to life during my funeral service and walked out of the coffin during the viewing? Or maybe come back in a different looking body and say to people at my funeral, "Ya know, I never really liked this guy anyway."

That actually happened to this guy. He was alive during his funeral.

19. I'm gonna die. Crap.

20. Might as well enjoy the ride down...

 Yet another fantastic actor.

Holes

This was my class song... in 2012 haha!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJushnYJvQs

You've got to go and dig those holes,

with broken hands and withered soles,

emancipated from all you know,

you've got to go and dig those holes...

I was in a hole. I seriously wanted to get out. I absolutely did not want to stay in that hole.

Not too deep...

But for some reason, I just kept on digging that hole.

He went ham on that hole.

But here's the thing. If you keep digging, you are never going to get out. Your just digging yourself a deeper pit.

I really really like that definition.

And there comes a certain point, when it is impossible for you to dig yourself out. You need someone to get you out.

Yes.

That person to help you out should be Jesus. One of his Angel's flies a helicopter over your hole, Jesus lowers a rope down out of that helicopter, and gives you his hand so you can join him on that rope and climb up to that helicopter.

(picture space reserved for hand-drawn photo later)

Dreams

No matter how unlikely it may seem, follow your dreams. Whether you want to be a famous singer or actor, design the world's tallest building, or even your own company, let nobody tell you that you can't do it.

Two very important things you should never take your eye off of.

Even if you want to be a firefighter, don't let anyone talk you out of it, you save more live than almost anyone else in the world. That's one of the most noblest professions one could have.

You'll be in my heart (song) - Tarzan

It doesn't matter what other people think of you. What matters most right now should be you. Not what your friends think, no what your family thinks.It's your future, not theirs.

Did Dr. Seuss seriously get a PhD? I am genuinely curious.

But in the end, what really matters is if your happy with what you've done with your life, and with what you've accomplished. Did you help out your neighbor when you could after he lost his job? Ever think of the way you influence people in your day to day actions?

This man has tons of helpful hands :)

When you leave this world, are you going to truly be able to leave, knowing that you left a positive mark on all those whom you have left?

When your positive, you generally attract positive people, and vice versa.

I now believe in miracles

So, every morning before I head to work to mow lawns and stuff, I go jogging. I usually try to run at about 6:30, but today my boss told me I was not working today. He was going to train the new guy, and then I would do the rest of the training tomorrow.

I love this.

Soo, I end up having a nice breakfast and everything. So I go running at 6:50, twenty minutes late. A guy that was walking across the street runs over to me, so of course I brace for a fight.

I've always wanted to go to a MMA fight. Haven't been able to yet.

A quick eye over reveals he has no visible bulges from concealing a weapon. I do note that he is sporting clothes that I would associate with a 'thug' or 'gangster' in Detroit.

Kind of what he looked like. Except not as much dirt, clothes more rugged, he had a purple and black heavy cotton button up shirt slung over his shoulder (it was fraying), and a Detroit hat with holes in it. Oh, and he had his hair in a ponytail beneath his hat.

The man starts talking to me and explains that he and some friends got drunk last night, and for some reason he can't remember, he parked in a street and a friend took him. At 5 o clock in the morning his friend kicked him out of his car and told him to walk back to his own truck.

Well, so much for this guy to walk anywhere...

He also tells me he's been walking about for what seems like two hours and that his car is a Ranger and is the color Gold.

This was what his car looked like.

My brain kept repeatedly telling me to run back into the house. But then I figured, "I'm a black belt, I'll be fine no matter what happens."

Exactly what my brain was telling me to do.

While walking he told me he drove into the neighborhood and turned and 'stuff'. Very descriptive (in case you have absolutely no sense of sarcasm, he was not at all!).

Reminds me of Mr. Gullible from the Amanda Show.

I logically think about which street he'd probably turn onto and the street called 'Wesley' comes to my head. So we head over to Wesley. Before we say the corner I say a quick prayer. Not even ten seconds after I finished, teh dude says in disbelief, "That's my car." and then yelled, "That's my car!" He ran toward his truck, and then back towards me.

What if I told you this same hand model was the model for the Allstate insurance company 'your in good hands' slogan...

He shakes my hand and says, "Man... Thank you. People just don't offer help anymore. It's just so unlikely... Thank you!"

Google search for the word 'unlikely' comes up with TONS of these types of images.

I stand there, and I watch him rev off into the distance. With a happy smirk on my face I turn around and start my jog.

Not quite as epic as the scene in Oceans Eleven, but good enough for the moment.