So, today I went to one of the most evil institutions in the whole entire of the world, and that place is called the eye doctor. No offence to my friend who is becoming an optometrist. He doesn't know it's evil.
So first off, I have to wait for around a half hour. An entire half hour! I don't have that kind of time! And meanwhile all of the assistants are just chatting doing nothing, and I'm one of four people. I may have patience in most aspects in life, but at this evil place... I don't want to be in there longer than I have to be.
So FINALLY I get called in and go to the room. Do some more lousy waiting. At least I can fiddle with all the instruments of torture that they will be using on me today.
After what seemed like decades someone came in and asked me if I could see these certain letters with an eye covered up.
I told her the exact same thing I've been telling these people in this outrageously unprincipled building for years. I can read absolutely every single line with my left eye, and only the first one with my right eye. Even then she decides to test me.
Yeah, I'm kind of an oddball. I'm right handed, but because of my right eye I shoot guns like a lefty, I bat lefty (meh it's half and half), I shoot bow and arrows lefty...most activities that require eyes. I may not be too good with those, but give me a pistol and I'm a perfect shot if I shoot lefty.
Anyways, in the room after the needless testing where i was proved right, she tells me she has to put in the drops. The drops that turn your eyes all black like a demon. Yeah, those horrid things.
She tells me the first round are numbing drops and will not hurt at all. She lied. They stung slightly. I wiped away all the tears that came out with a tissue.
This might be a good time to tell you I have over-active tear ducts. If I just think about eyes my own start gushing. When I'm on that amusement park ride that uses force to make you stuck to the sides (through spinning), about a gallon of water comes out of my eyes. And other times too that I don't feel like describing.
So, then she tells me she has the second round of drops. Again she said they won't hurt since I got the numbing drops. This time she didn't lie. I dry my eyes once again.
So, I get ready to leave this medieval torture room, and she tells me that I still have one more round of these sickening, gut clencing, black eye producing drops to go.
Sadly, I still am forced to comply to her demands. Great. She's putting more of those little drops of pure evil into my eyes, the window to the soul. Good thing her plan to make me evil never works.
Before she does it again, she tells me it won't hurt. Liess. This round hurt like a son of a - well, I don't really know. It just really hurt. For about ten minutes. She must have put some high-grade turn-people-into-evil poison into my eyes.
Then, I'm escorted out. To await my fate of looking like a demon. More dang waiting! Grrr. I hate it so I blare my music out. But, sadly, they like my music. The devil's minions listen to similar music. Who knew. Ha, how about some Abba! That shut them up.
Who knows how much later, I go through the rest of the too tough to describe stuff. It was painful in every possible way. Even afterward, I was sensitive to light because of those dang drops! Lasted for an entire hour! Man. This yearly trip is always the worst.
This kid is smiling? SMILING? They're shining a light brighter than a thousand suns right at his retina.
So first off, I have to wait for around a half hour. An entire half hour! I don't have that kind of time! And meanwhile all of the assistants are just chatting doing nothing, and I'm one of four people. I may have patience in most aspects in life, but at this evil place... I don't want to be in there longer than I have to be.
Fact #22: I hate waiting for the incredibly dark forces that are at work to do their job. Just do it already! I have patience for most other things, but not the evil eye doctor...
So FINALLY I get called in and go to the room. Do some more lousy waiting. At least I can fiddle with all the instruments of torture that they will be using on me today.
You have to get permission to get Lasik, and then they permanently make your eyes satanic.
After what seemed like decades someone came in and asked me if I could see these certain letters with an eye covered up.
These are the letters. How am I supposed to say these without the helpful hints below? After Spanish and French I'm going to learn Arabic, not Hebrew. Depending how easily I can learn.
I told her the exact same thing I've been telling these people in this outrageously unprincipled building for years. I can read absolutely every single line with my left eye, and only the first one with my right eye. Even then she decides to test me.
Just as evil as this building from Ghostbusters. Ya know, the one State Cream Puff came and got all marshmellowy?
Yeah, I'm kind of an oddball. I'm right handed, but because of my right eye I shoot guns like a lefty, I bat lefty (meh it's half and half), I shoot bow and arrows lefty...most activities that require eyes. I may not be too good with those, but give me a pistol and I'm a perfect shot if I shoot lefty.
Haha I need to show this to Hunter...
Anyways, in the room after the needless testing where i was proved right, she tells me she has to put in the drops. The drops that turn your eyes all black like a demon. Yeah, those horrid things.
This is their goal. They have not yet perfected the formula...haha I love my imagination...but I really very much dislike the eye doctor...
She tells me the first round are numbing drops and will not hurt at all. She lied. They stung slightly. I wiped away all the tears that came out with a tissue.
If only I saw this eight hours ago...
This might be a good time to tell you I have over-active tear ducts. If I just think about eyes my own start gushing. When I'm on that amusement park ride that uses force to make you stuck to the sides (through spinning), about a gallon of water comes out of my eyes. And other times too that I don't feel like describing.
This is that ride. I'm not sure if I like it or not. Uses centrifugal force to pin you to the side of the ride.
So, then she tells me she has the second round of drops. Again she said they won't hurt since I got the numbing drops. This time she didn't lie. I dry my eyes once again.
And they expect me to enter willingly? Wow.
Sadly, I still am forced to comply to her demands. Great. She's putting more of those little drops of pure evil into my eyes, the window to the soul. Good thing her plan to make me evil never works.
You can usually tell intent through a persons eyes, so yup :)
Before she does it again, she tells me it won't hurt. Liess. This round hurt like a son of a - well, I don't really know. It just really hurt. For about ten minutes. She must have put some high-grade turn-people-into-evil poison into my eyes.
So I googled 'eye wound' and this was one of the results. $6 to buy this pre-fabricated latex. Prices are getting lower each and every year...of course this one's quality is in the middle but it's still okay :)
Then, I'm escorted out. To await my fate of looking like a demon. More dang waiting! Grrr. I hate it so I blare my music out. But, sadly, they like my music. The devil's minions listen to similar music. Who knew. Ha, how about some Abba! That shut them up.
Hahahaha
Hmmm. Now I'm thinking I should have played some Kenny G, specifically Songbird. That really would have made 'em mad...
Yup. It's a saxophone. Guaranteed annoyance level of 10.
Who knows how much later, I go through the rest of the too tough to describe stuff. It was painful in every possible way. Even afterward, I was sensitive to light because of those dang drops! Lasted for an entire hour! Man. This yearly trip is always the worst.
I would prefer this as my yearly trip. Sadly I've only ever been here twice. But, I did collect an awesome cup each time. I think that might be a tradition haha
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