Mr. Happy

So, in the black hole called my mind (as I remember nearly everything), I have been doing quite a bit of postulating. A lot.

It's a blessing and a curse.

On this particular subject, happiness, many philosophers have also postulated. Almost every major philosopher has. Plato. Aristotle. Socrates. Just to name a few examples. But, that's irrelevant to my point.

I thought it was hilarious ten minutes ago. I swear.

I've found out that so far in my life, I have not had true happiness. And it just could be that I am not destined to be happy in this life. I may not have the ability to feel truly happy whilst living.

I read these as a kid :)

Now how can I believe this? I must be crazy! But no, you don't know what my demons are and I don't know yours. Same as a guy in an asylum, you can't truly judge him. Your not him. You haven't gone through his experiences.

Insane Asylum

Now. At this point in my life I have not found true happiness. Will I someday? Will I reach that pinnacle of true happiness. I don't know. But one thing I do know, regardless of whether I'm happy or not, one of the reasons I'm here is to help others find some type of happiness. And I can find solace in that.

Well look at that. True happiness. I'm pretty sure he was smiling during the whole movie :) It may have been because of his father, but he was always smiling :)

Simply, it could just be that I'm not in God's presence any longer. We may have the holy ghost, holy spirit, or whatever you personally call it, but God is not always with us. And coupled with the fact that Satan would love to have his hands on me, he's trying hard to get me down. Especially since I'm leaving on a mission in two months. I'm hoping that three to five years from now I'll be over this happiness thing. Eric was right probably on when a certain thing would happen, probably sophomore or junior year of college. Still depressing it's so far away from now.

Only relevant picture I could find...

The bottom line is only you can ever know who you are, only you can make the tough decisions to be who you are or live out your life as is because of yourself, friends, family, or well, anyone. Whether the road you go down is painful or not, it's something you have to be at peace with. There is no one else that can live your life for you.

So at peace.

Dear future wife

I love you now and always will. I'll never stop. I won't ever say sweet nothings - they'll be sweet everything's as they will all be true (yes; deal with the corniness).

This seems like a picture my mom would love

I'll sing songs to you when songs are dead because the world melted or just because it's fun to sing songs, and when there's no hope left I'll give you something to draw inspiration from.

Did this once, but only with ten crayons... and it was done in someone's car.

Someday, I'll hold you for more than twenty minutes straight and that's all I'll do. I won't look at your face, pull away, or try to kiss you. Just hold you, without an ounce of selfishness.

So many cat memes out there, like this one.

I'll be there for you in the good times, but more importantly I will be there for the bad and the ugly. Even when you hate me for perfectly understandable reasons, I will constantly tell you how beautiful you are and I love you.

Well, you can always hope.

I'll cherish every moment with you. I'll drop anything, anytime, anyplace if you need me. Hopefully I'll have that 'spidey-sense' and just know I need to head home.

I hated those movies...but thought that was one of the best movie kisses out there, along with Phantom of the Opera.

And when I tried to find a picture that had to do with the words 'spidey-sense' I found this.

Beats the spiderman kiss. Definitely.

No matter what you do, have done, or will do I will love you and always will. I make this pledge,this promise, of my never-ending love. Amen.

And they lived happily ever after... until the next movie...

Masquerade masks

A certain someone I know once said that you never know what someone else is dealing with. The outside appearances that they show don't necessarily mean that that is who they are all the time. That they don't have problems... Just because someone seems popular, cool, or even the opposite doesn't mean that they're not dealing with s- every day.

Shows my point exactly - appearances are not what they seem (and the shoulders of her dress need to be moved up).

And... I have something to add to that. You can break down once about anything, but I've learned something. It doesn't matter what it is that's broken you. You just have to suck it up and decide to be fine until at least tomorrow. And continue to do that. Decide to be fine until the next week, and so on.

Decide to be fine. Put on that greek happy mask.

Put on that masquerade mask, but instead of just for a party, forever. Force that smile on your face just because your alive, and, well... your helping people. A majority of people may never know what you've done, but you know what you did, what you've done.

You have to be professional. Do it with a smile, or simply quit. Those are your two options.

As I said, you have two options.

Knowledge

I wrote pages on this on my phone, and then shortened it to paragraphs for the blog, and it was still too long. I even took out most of the examples like me still not to this day being able to tie my shoes... Here's the super short version.

Even Gary's song never helped me.

There are three types of knowledge. There is open knowledge, hidden knowledge, and closed knowledge. Open knowledge is of course, information that is easily accessible and is widespread. Hidden, not so much. You have to work to get the hidden knowledge.

There is a baby hidden somewhere in this picture. For some, it's the first thing they see. For others, they have to search for a while.

But, the closed knowledge. You want to share it with the world... but you can't. Reasons vary as to why you can't. Whether because it'll shatter beliefs that have been instilled in someone's psyche for years or simply because it's personal. Or for many other reasons.

One red rose amongst an ocean of yellow roses.

I'll end with this. Most closed knowledge is applicable to everybody... It's just, most people won't find closed knowledge during their time here on Earth. And that saddens me.

Jorden.

Another of a billion things

Here's yet another of a billion things I do not understand. In movies and TV shows, they portray putting yourself in danger to help someone else as heroic. "It says a lot about your character." - Quote from Rachael Leigh Cook in Psych (TV Show)

Fantastic TV Show

Well, I must apparently have a heck of a lot of character. I'd take a bullet for any of my family or friends without thinking about it. Heck, even a stranger.

Hahahaha!

If I were in a situation where someone was just gunning down people, I'd tackle the shooter. I'd beat him up. Or at least try to. I'm a black belt, so I'd probably do pretty good. I don't want him destroying families.

Grandmaster Kil, I've met him a few times and he's pretty cool

It's not some ego thing. Frankly, I don't have much of an ego. And it's not because people might know my story of how I died. Or because I'll get some great reward in heaven.

Not sure about that 'no ego no problems' thing. We always have problems...

I simply care more for the well-being of other people than my own. That statement defines most of my life. I'd rather go through hell than someone else... and well, I have.

And that's what I don't get. I would die for nearly anyone without a second thought. Natural reaction. But it's portrayed as some huge thing to be applauded.

Another great actor.

Maybe it's because I know for myself what the next life will be like...I'll tell you this, it's not perfect, but it's a heck of a lot better than life here on Earth. Or maybe it's one of the reasons I already stated earlier. I'll eventually find out.

Random picture from one of my favorite movies, I Am Number Four.

Salaam.

Bein' a hater

I hate this world. I don't care how complex it is. I don't care how amazing it is. I mean just the clouds. They are so amazing, and do so much. Then look at a tree? What goes into making that? A human being, and how they go from a baby to an adult.

The Hipster Baby

I hate the world cause I'm not a part of it. I can't be. But, if I were to take my own life, I'd be brought back. I have some greater purpose to be fulfilled.

Making fun of road signs instituted by the government. I believe you get a ticket for that... haha :)

What that purpose is however, I don't know. I mean, I guess I do know. It's all about the souls. But I still don't wish to be here. I don't think I ever will want to be.

That moment when your soul leaves your body... except, most people have clothes on when that happens.

But you have to find joy in something. Right now, it's my future spouse. Whomever she is, I pray for you. More than I pray for myself.

This guy's name is Jesse apparently.

I don't usually wish myself to have happiness. As long as I'm alone, I won't be truly happy. Ever. But I'm sure you'll be able to change that.

Yes.

Death

My thoughts have been everywhere today... The last hour or so I've been thinking of death.

What if death was a person, not some skeleton. A person who's job it is to cross us off the list when we die?

I'm not asking what it is. Or what it means. Not questioning the afterlife. More as, death as a movement. Pondering. Every extraordinary thing, whether good or bad, has culminated with death. To name the first few that come to my head: Jesus, Abraham Lincoln, Gandhi, Hitler, Martin Luther King. Would any of these movements have been as powerful if death did not follow?

I love Liam Neeson. He is a fantastic actor.

Of course not. And If I die, I want to die for a reason. I don't want to die of old age or a heart attack. I don't want to die because I slipped in the bathtub or choked on some food.

It actually did happen.

I want to die for a cause. Whether shot, stabbed, poisoned, blown-up, or anything... I don't really care. I need something to die for, or at least something to be prepared to die for.

Yuppers

Help me God. Give me something to die for if I am supposed to die. There of course is the chance that I do not taste of death like Enoch or Elijah, and be translated, but that is unlikely. Quite so. Yet, you never know I guess. Anyways, if I can't have something to possibly die for, then give me something to live for. Hmmm, that would probably be the same thing. Something to die for and something to live for.

This could be God. Although that is Morgan Freeman... another fantastic actor.