Bein' a hater

I hate this world. I don't care how complex it is. I don't care how amazing it is. I mean just the clouds. They are so amazing, and do so much. Then look at a tree? What goes into making that? A human being, and how they go from a baby to an adult.

The Hipster Baby

I hate the world cause I'm not a part of it. I can't be. But, if I were to take my own life, I'd be brought back. I have some greater purpose to be fulfilled.

Making fun of road signs instituted by the government. I believe you get a ticket for that... haha :)

What that purpose is however, I don't know. I mean, I guess I do know. It's all about the souls. But I still don't wish to be here. I don't think I ever will want to be.

That moment when your soul leaves your body... except, most people have clothes on when that happens.

But you have to find joy in something. Right now, it's my future spouse. Whomever she is, I pray for you. More than I pray for myself.

This guy's name is Jesse apparently.

I don't usually wish myself to have happiness. As long as I'm alone, I won't be truly happy. Ever. But I'm sure you'll be able to change that.

Yes.

Death

My thoughts have been everywhere today... The last hour or so I've been thinking of death.

What if death was a person, not some skeleton. A person who's job it is to cross us off the list when we die?

I'm not asking what it is. Or what it means. Not questioning the afterlife. More as, death as a movement. Pondering. Every extraordinary thing, whether good or bad, has culminated with death. To name the first few that come to my head: Jesus, Abraham Lincoln, Gandhi, Hitler, Martin Luther King. Would any of these movements have been as powerful if death did not follow?

I love Liam Neeson. He is a fantastic actor.

Of course not. And If I die, I want to die for a reason. I don't want to die of old age or a heart attack. I don't want to die because I slipped in the bathtub or choked on some food.

It actually did happen.

I want to die for a cause. Whether shot, stabbed, poisoned, blown-up, or anything... I don't really care. I need something to die for, or at least something to be prepared to die for.

Yuppers

Help me God. Give me something to die for if I am supposed to die. There of course is the chance that I do not taste of death like Enoch or Elijah, and be translated, but that is unlikely. Quite so. Yet, you never know I guess. Anyways, if I can't have something to possibly die for, then give me something to live for. Hmmm, that would probably be the same thing. Something to die for and something to live for.

This could be God. Although that is Morgan Freeman... another fantastic actor.

Bright light?

There's something I just don't understand. Why girls like me? Don't laugh, it's a legit question. I can't understand why someone would like someone as fragile as myself. As stupid as me.

Less fragile than you think, as proven in underwater experiments, but breaks easily

I mean, yes this me I project to the world that I am actually striving to become is a beacon of light in the darkness. Of seemingly never-ending joy. But here's my problem: that isn't all me.

The Cookie Monster found it. The source of never-ending joy.

Do I want to fall for someone in a similar situation? It seems like it. So far I've fallen in love with two girls. One had bi-polar II and the other one... well, that's complicated. But they're both done with, whether it ended calmly or otherwise.

Picture speaks for itself.

Do I want someone who actually is a bright light? Do I want someone who is trying to be one, like me? I can't be sure.

That bright light hasn't been tainted. But a dim light trying to be brighter has gone through more than the original bright light, so is technically stronger, or has the ability to be. Right?

I do know two things however. I will be able to share every little detail of my life with my wife. Every little fear, habit, everything. Small or big. And, I will not live a life full of regrets of things I never did. I will not live a life of what-if's. I absolutely refuse those lives.

Obviously she did not regret what she did. I bet if she was given another chance Hermione would do it again.

Truth.

Better

Michael Scott from The Office:
"You don't know anything! I live in a fantasy world!"

I can connect to that. My life has been hell. For a multitude of different reasons. Course, I'm not talking about the physical hell here. I'm talking about the other hell. Spiritual hell. I've been on my way out for a bit now, but these feelings still hold true. And yes, there are two hells.

Right now for me, the whole world is a stage. I have to convince them all, everyone, that I am who I am. But I'm acting, that's the thing. I am not optimistic. I am not this person. I am not this super-positive person. But I want to be, and am on my way to becoming this person.

I'm riddled with guilt, pain, misery. All over. I don't deserve this life. What the hell did I do in life before earth to deserve such a great family and everything. Or really, any of this?

Sad thing is, I might know why. But why would I believe a devil's angel? I have absolutely no reason to. But I also don't have a reason not to yet. From my research, sometimes they will tell you the truth to deceive you. Odd how that works.

That's all I feel like sharing about this. It's probably better that way.

High Maintenance

So, I am going to admit the obvious, that I am high maintenance.

Yup. Being High Maintenance is a good thing. I think. Not sure.

I care about all the little things. Call it OCD, being high maintenance, or whatever you want, in reality, I'm not sure of their dictionary definitions, as I haven't ever sat down to read a dictionary. Someone told me OCD is if something isn't done or something in an exact way, then you think something bad will happen...I have that kinda.

That's just bad. Bad words are bad. Just like Tom Sawyer. He's bad. Yeaaahhhh...

So many little things irk me.

When toilet paper runs out, not replacing it.

Thomas Payne's Common Sense

Why the heck would you make a dress out of toilet paper!? Well, for prize money I guess.

Putting both seats down when the toilet is flushed, so the contents of the toilet don't fly into the air.

Worst idea ever. Lighted toilet seat. Then you can see how dirty the toilet seat actually is. Clear toilet seats are a bad idea.

I clean it before I use it anyway...but still.

Cleaning up food and dirt messes on the ground. I can tolerate clothes and toys fine. I will clean them up later. Actually those other messes I will clean up too, but if they aren't mine, it won't be done very happily. I'll still be happy that the mess is gone however :)

That's just inexcusable. Some mess in a room is fine. Actually, some mess is good. Helps yo' memory according to some report haha :)

I would never be able to let anyone live in my house unless they had fantastic oral hygiene. A clean mouth is a happy mouth. And one without cavities. Well, minimal cavities.

Imagine this happening every single time. Then it travels in-between the teeth and the tongue.

Showers. Every day. But there are exceptions. Such as camping and the such.

Neon or LED lights in a shower is an awesome idea. Gonna eventually put this in my future home. Not that shower...but lights. A soothing neon glow while you take your shower.

Poking the sides of my chest. When my friends do it, it's fine, I refrain from putting my Black Belt skills through their head. It's a funny thing. I thought it was funny when it was done to an old friend of mine named Amanda. She reacted to it just as much as I do. Huge reactions. But a stranger doing that? Nuh uh. Your going down stranger. Your goin' down.

 I'm not the only one with a black belt.

Don't touch my phone without permission. If I give it to you, you have free reign. I'm an open book. But if I don't hand it to you.. don't go looking through my notes app. Or my songwriting app. Most people don't anyways, but still...

My phone looks like that!

Don't put bare feet near me. Socks are fine.

I wish they had these for guys. I only wish. Toe socks. Yes, toe socks. Not those smiles. Well, we should all be smiling all the time, but you know what I mean. Maybe.

Well, there's the end of this post. Hope ya had fun, maybe learned or took something around the way of this. Whether it's an idea or a fact or a sprout or a laugh. Something. Hmm. I am staring at that picture and really want some toe socks now. They look much more comfy than my own.