Soon

I am more certain than ever. I am more scared than ever (I am almost never scared). I am more anxious than ever. I am more nervous than ever. I am more sad than ever. I am more happy than ever. I am more excited than ever. I am more weary and downtrodden than ever. I am tired.

Soon this is all coming to an end. Not this blog, but this page of my life. No more hiding. No more unintentionally playing games. I will be 100% clean and out in the open. I will be able to rest for two years without any regrets. I will hopefully be able to have a great future even after these two years I am gone on a mission.

However...two years is a lot longer than it sounds, but it is also much shorter than it seems. Strange, how paradoxes work, eh?

All I know is this. I will know what my future holds. Soon.

Attractive or beautiful?

Are you attractive or beautiful? Well, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. To me, being attractive is about how you look.

However, beauty consists of attraction. But, how attractive a person is, is a very small portion as to how b-e-a-utiful (as Jim Carrey would say it) someone is.

Beauty is all the ins and outs of a person. All the things that are wrong with them, and all the things that are right. It's any diseases they have, whether it's of the body, mind, or wherever. It's their personality. How they interact with others...everything.

Yet another thing though, when you can truly see how beautiful someone is, you love them (yes one of my definitions of what love is). Love is when you see an imperfect person perfectly. You don't care about their flaws. You don't have to like their flaws (although you very well may like what society would call 'flaws')...

but you love them so much you don't mind their flaws. That is, at least for me right now, what love and beauty are.

Respect

Respect. What is it really? Is it something said? Something to be done? Felt? Accomplished? Or is it something more?

I believe it to be a nonverbal form of communication that has been in widespread use for centuries, yet has been on the decline in the last century or so as it seems that we cannot trust too many people these days... despite the fact that trust is what even a basic society is based on.

Twinkle twinkle little ape

I've re-written and re-purposed this post so many times I've lost count. I can't decide what to post. I was originally gonna post the lyrics to one of my songs from The Archives (all my old songs and scripts etc. I wrote from a few years ago). Then I posted some totally cliche post.

Soooo... I have decided to post a song I wrote for my future kids and my nephews.

Twinkle twinkle little ape,

How I wonder where you ain't,

Up above the trees so high,

Throwing dung at passers by,

Twinkle twinkle little ape,

How I wonder where you ain't.

Well my nephews think it's funny. Right now I don't at all as I am not in a good mood today. And my mood is only going to get worse as today goes on. This sucks.